So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize