well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I AM VODKA MAN
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
