I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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