He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
