This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Acid is not a monday night drug
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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