A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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