Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
