I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
