I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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