i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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