she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
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You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
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But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize