We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
