no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
