escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
