I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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