i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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