i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
