i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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