I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
