ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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