Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
