you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
