You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
