Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
