nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
