Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
