I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
