miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
