so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
