Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
