loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
