Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
