I have demons in me.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
