i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
