singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
