Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
