Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
