Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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