I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
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Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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