Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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