I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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