One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
