mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
