I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
