Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
