i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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