Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
