Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
