Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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