i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
