My room smells like vodka and shame
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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