I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
