turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
