someone threw a dead crab at me
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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