In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
