This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
40s are totally the cure
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
