he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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