I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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