he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize