Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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