There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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