His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
