can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
