If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
