apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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