Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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