apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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