Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
