She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
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I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
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i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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