i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
