you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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