I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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