Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
