I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
