Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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