but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
