My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
