Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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