First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
