the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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